Expressing Our Feelings―Anger Is a Gift.

Feelings buried alive never die. What you do not deeply feel, you cannot heal.

As a culture, tragically, we’ve all been conditioned that it is not okay to be fully expressive in our anger, even our rage (or our love). To be fully known, which is our heart’s deepest desire, to feel loved and to know we are seen, and can be loved beyond condition, it is mission critical to our healing to fully feel, heal, and restore the full range of your emotional intelligence guidance whose coordinates live within your feeling heart.

Repressing and turning down the volume of your emotions tightens and constricts everything in your body-mind-spirit. As a result, we all pay a price. We lose our fullest experience and expression of Creation: our passion and our sexuality. When we repress anger, we repress and tighten all pleasure expression: our sexuality, our capacity to feel and express the love moving through us. Our bodies were designed to be fluid, to feel, and be naturally open to responding with bliss, love, and ecstasy. To trust your capacity to retrain yourself to allow for your unleashed passion (which includes the powerful dual emotion: anger and rage) to express itself unbound, as we learn to open our hearts to create safe spaces for one another to begin to loose our heart’s fullest expression of what’s alive within us in healthy ways that expand our capacities to love all that arise. As we seek to feel to heal, will ignite the potency and power of being fully seen and held within the arms of unbridled trust. Then, as we are fully seen naked, within our pure vulnerability, and power, our love expands our hearts to know love, and then to give and receive love, beyond condition.

No one has escaped our core shared wounds from the lies of separation. And power-over relating have left deep scars. As we learn to see anger as a potent alchemical emotion that will help us heal some of our deepest wounds, we can navigate healthy and safe ways to express what’s alive within us without making the “other” person wrong or the projected target of our anger. Anger is the mask that hides the deepest most vulnerable parts of our sacred heart.

Remember, you are never responsible for another’s wounding, so making sure that you maintain a healthy distance and clean boundaries, while trying to hear the need crying out behind the anger which is a powerful gift that can heal and transform relationships. You may be the trigger, but never the cause. Behind every cry of anger is an unmet need that is seeking to be seen and heard within the light of love to be healed. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg reminds us that behind all physical violence was a passive act of violence, so let’s examine our unhealthy patterns of killing others off by walls of emotional withdrawal of love, of presence and of judgment and take responsibility to feel, so we can heal and exalt one another by our love.

We’ve been conditioned to fear the full extent of our anger from watching our role models duck for cover when anger comes knocking. This conditioned response is because we were never given healthy tools to see anger as a powerful emotion asking for healing. Yet, once we embrace the dense energetic shadow of repressed anger and bring light as love to its powerful message, we access the wisdom and trust that we, in fact, do possess this amazing capacity to hold space to cradle the gift and holy fire of truth that anger brings to us. This pro-active choice to listen to what unmet needs that our expressed anger is calling us towards, dissipates the dense energy constrictions that anger creates in our body-spirit system, restoring our reconnection to the fullest expression of love within our heart to unite the experience of shared intimacy and deep abiding trust between one another.

In Unveiling The Truth, The Journey Within companion book to this course, Releasing Anger Peacefully Without Damaging Relationships offers powerful self-mastery tools that can provide one of the most transformative skillsets you can bring to your relationships.

Note: Any relationship is past its purpose and expiration date, as well as Soul contract, if there is abuse involved. Abuse is not just physical. Passive violence also plays at the energetic intuitive level where our feelings and emotions can align within the spiritual essence and knowing within our heart. Please take the time to study Gandhi’s Tree of Violence, where you gain clarity on the passive acts of violence that are important to set clear boundaries around.

I want to make implicitly clear if you have a relationship where anger is focused towards you either physically or passively in any acts of violence, never remain the punching bag for anyone who is unwilling to take responsibility for their reactions and wounds. Make sure that you study the Tree of Violence to make sure you are not taking on the responsibility or co-dependent pattern of remaining in the violence of anyone’s uncontrolled anger or rage.

If you feel threatened in any way remove yourself from the situation. Physical or passive acts of violence are wholly not acceptable ways to process anger.

An unmet need is an appeal for love and is always at the basis of a highly triggered reaction. Behind that reaction, flows a river of deep heart feelings and emotions that rise up in us as needs that are trying
to speak, be heard, and trust that they matter. Choosing love to respond with empathy stops the mirrored
reaction of defensiveness and separation. When you don’t take on their emotions personally, you can open your heart compassionately to hear what need(s) are at the bottom of their volatile reactions, by
guessing what need is not being met. You’ll be surprised how intuitive you are and that you’ll come close to what need is there at the root of the reaction. Your sincere attempt allows their hearts to soften,
opening up a possibility. They’ll likely respond by sharing what needs are at the bottom of their reaction, opening up a genuine ground for fostering authentic connections, that create deeper feelings of intimacy.

When someone is accusing you or projecting their wounds unto you, the gift of empathy and compassion has the power to stop the cycles of relating that create feelings of hopelessness, resentment and separation. When someone is operating from their wounding, they are blinded by their fear and reactive patterns. Never attempt to defend another’s judgment towards you.

Defense is the first act of war.

Accept responsibility within integrity to own your own wounds, your own reactions, and take full accountability for the consequences of your choices. When necessary, make amends, ask for forgiveness, and when you’ve deeply violated another’s trust, offering restitution is a powerful way of demonstrating through action that you have learned and are deeply saddened that directing your anger towards another has caused harm and separation and you want to rebuild trust and genuine reconnection.

We have all been both the victim and perpetrator of anger. No one can throw the first stone. Forgiveness is an act of compassion that sets the debtor free. Self-forgiveness is the first step and direct path back to our heart, where love is our superlative state of being.

There is power in the teaching to not let the sun go down on your anger. Realize that emotional withdraw is an act of passive violence. When you are triggered and you need a break to process what’s alive within you, step down into your heart, create “the gap,” take a deep breath, then ask for time while staying connected as love by making sure that the other person knows that you are requesting time to process what’s alive within you. Agree to come back together within a timeframe that honors your need for reconnection to your own heart and the heart of relationships that become the reflective mirror for our healing. If your time is approaching and you still need more time, make sure to convey that in a mutually honoring way so that your mutual needs for trust, safety, goodwill and mutual care is heard within your heart, beyond our triggers.

When you focus on what needs are crying out behind your anger or another’s anger, from within, you will discover that you hold the capacity to embrace all emotions as the gifts that direct us inward to our hearts, where we witness how we’ve given our power away, how we’ve betrayed our own hearts, and within this conditioning we have all learned to stuff and repress our emotions and our unmet needs. When you allow space within your own heart, and allow that same space within others, the magic of being seen even if its within your own heart opens the wounds for healing. We heal what we allow ourselves to feel. No one has escaped the core wounds and scars we all carry from this fear-based mutant matrix. As we re-cognize that we all didn’t know what we didn’t know, until the light of love unveils all that we are not, within the gift and perfect reflection of relationship, we can lay down our swords to empower and cheer one another to step powerfully into love―the truth of who we already are, beyond the many masks and roles we have all learned to play..

May grace, patience, self-honor and love be the gift that we give, and receive, on our journey to reclaiming our sovereign divine Creation unstoppable force of love, beyond our conditioning.